Shocking, isn’t it?


If by “whimsical” you mean, “a nutcracker  with a face that looks like someone just shoved an electric cattle prod up its ass,” then yeah, this is VERY whimsical.

(Patrick, I will completely understand if you never speak to me again.)


Blown to bits and pieces


“Happy birthday! I crocheted you a floating crayon wizard, the head of a decapitated clown, two leprechauns being held at gun point against a bowl, some Christmas things, the ugliest basket in the world and some flowers in a vase. ENJOY!!”

In the club


I have some questions for you, pattern book:

Is the cigar for the creepy-faced bunny? If so, why?

What the Hell is the laughing baby holding? Is that a hot dog in a tampon?

Who killed the clowns, and where are their bodies?

Are those cars or space ships?

I eagerly await your answers.

For a good time…


Let’s see…
Barbie has been a doctor, an astronaut, an equestrian,
a scientist and a race car driver, just to name a few occupations.

Never thought I would have to add
“high-dollar Vegas call-girl” to that list,
but here we are.

Owl be seeing you


I know macrame owls are painfully traditional in the world of fiber art,
but after you’ve constructed this thing, and you find yourself walking in the woods, picking out the perfect branch for your newly knotted yarn buddy to perch on, I want you to stop what you’re doing, go home, take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself “Where did my life go wrong?”

And to all my yarn-knotted buddies out there, have a delightfully festive New Year!!