The skinny on dipping


Lady on right, whispering: “Your bating suit is hideous.”

Lady on left, through gritted teeth: “At least my boobs don’t look like I’m smuggling tangerines in a bandanna.”


Just keep swimming…


Well, OK, if your family includes a gay uncle who likes wearing uncomfortably tight and tiny racing trunks in public, sure…

Gimmie a hand


I’m sure the shorts pattern is fine, it’s that unfortunate child’s left hand I’m worried about. It looks like it’s been grafted to the basketball.

And what’s with the upside-down Solo cup hovering in mid-air? Is that a guardian angel, a mascot, some kind of swimsuit induced hallucination? WHAT??

What the children saw


Lady on left: “I thought this was supposed to be a casual pool party for everyone to enjoy. Why on Earth would Gladys show up wearing that?”

Lady on right: “I have no idea. The last thing someone her size should walk out of the house in is a fluorescent yellow G-string bikini.”

Lady on left: “There are children here; they don’t need to see that! My God, look at all the fat rolls.”

Lady on right: “The rolls are fine; it’s the fact that it goes transparent when it gets wet that worries me!”

Lady on left: “Dear Lord! She’s going in for a swan dive! Quick, cover the kid’s eyes!!”