I did my very vest…


Vibrant? Maybe.
Respectable? Never.


Everybody jump, jump


Damn sweetie, lighten up.
Sure, I’d be depressed and straight-faced too if I had to wear that hodgepodge, country crap, but look on the bright side… … … …

Yeah, those jumpers are awful, there is no bright side.

Sucks to be you, hun.

Pretty easy, not so breezy


You know what the world doesn’t have enough of?
Ugly, polished cotton, shirtwaist dresses.
I mean, is it asking too much for this trend to be brought back to life?
Sure the shape is simple, but look at all the different kinds of ugly, polished cotton, shirtwaist dresses you can make:


Gosh, a version that drops the seam four inches below the waist!?

Folded forever and ever and ever


OOOHH! I love those vintage folded star patterns!
They make fun potholders or trivets or…


… you can let them consume your life and decorate every inch of your kitchen with them.
I’m genuinely surprised she didn’t hang color-coordinated folded star ornaments from the valance.

Oh well, at least she kept it in the kitchen.
Can you imagine these things in the rest of the house?


Never mind…

It ends in a tie


All these ties and they can’t cinch up the one around the model’s neck?
Seriously, you people have no idea how much that stupid little gap between
the knot and the top of the collar band drives me crazy.

Also, apart from going to a hundred thrift stores and buying a haul,
who has THAT many color-coordinated neckties hanging in the closet?


Fowl creations


Somewhere at the cover design meeting for this instruction book…

Designer 1: “I was thinking that the samples need to be clean neutrals or maybe soft colors, so the buyer can really see the details and understand the design of the patterns.”

Designer 2: “Nah, we need to use insanely bold colors and busy fabrics that confuse anyone looking at it. I can’t stress enough how important it is to make sure the customer has no idea what what’s going on when they look at the cover.”

Designer 1: “But isn’t that going to be difficult to market?”

Designer 2: “Ehh, who cares! As long as people walk away thinking, ‘Damn! Those were some confusing-ass chicken patterns!’ we’re good.”