Getting ready…


Lady on right: “Look Martha, here are the drawers I’m NOT going to wear under my dress tonight!”

Lady on left: “Oh quit fooling around, Jane, and get dressed already.  We’re gonna be late for the party!”

Lady on right: “Fooling around is the exact reason why I AIN’T sporting these puppies!!”



Amicable separation


Guy in red: “Look Steve, I’m sorry this ski trip didn’t turn out the way you planned, but I think it’s time we both realize that we don’t work as a couple any more.”

Guy in white: “I guess part of me knew it was over before I booked the tickets. I… I just thought that spending time together, away from everything, was the answer.”

Guy in red: “If it’s any consolation, I’ve really enjoyed this little vacation. These last few days have been a blast. I hope we can still be friends after this.”

Guy in white: “Of course we can still be friends. I mean, I’ll be posting horrible things about you on Facebook when we get back, and blaming you for the breakup,  but yeah, we’ll always be buddies.”

Guy in red: “Cool! Right after I Photoshop your head onto a picture of a Clydesdale’s rear-end, then post it on Instagram with the caption, ‘I finally ditched that horse’s ass,’ we should grab lunch.”

Guy in white: “Alright, but my treat!”

Guy in red: “You’re the best!”


Assume the position


Guy on left: “According to my pocket guide to the Kamasutra, this position is for advanced practitioners only.”

Guy on right: “Ugh, not another contortionist pose?! Mike, sweetie, I know you want to spice things up a bit, but my lower back can only handle so much.”

Guy on left: “Look, I’m only trying out these things because I want to make you happy.”

Guy on right: “After the last time we borrowed a page from that stupid book, the only thing that would make me happy is a heating pad!”

What’s that smell?


Guy on left: “Oh boy! Sure am looking forward to a good night’s sleep!”

Guy on right: “Me too. Oh and Steve, if you give me another Dutch Oven tonight, I’m dumping your ass in the morning.”

Guy on left: “Oh, come on, Roy. I’m just having some fun with ya.”

Guy on right: “Fun is fine, but when it stinks like a garbage barge rotting in the hot sun, I tend to get a little aggravated.”

Dude Ranch


Accidentally purchasing a weekend getaway to a gay cowboy ranch initially wasn’t Jenny’s idea of a good time, but once Chet did her hair, and Bruce taught her all the words to ,”You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun,” she really cut loose and started to enjoyed herself.

Attention getter


Guy in upper left: “Dang, Brian, did you see that hot guy in the tight pants, just now?””

Guy in plaid shirt: “Sue did! I wouldn’t mind waking up to THOSE perky cheeks, every morning.”

Guy in white shirt: “O.M.G. I gotta take off my shades to appreciate an ass like that!”

Guy in khaki shirt: “Look, Bobby! If you insist on chasing after every tight set of buns that jog past us, you and I are through!”

Guy in gingham shirt: “Oh would you chill out? I can’t help it if I appreciate the finer things in life. Besides, when a guy that fine, wears pants that fitted, he’s just begging to be stared at!”

What’s your sign?


At the Wednesday night singles get-together,
a few of the guys got to know each other…

Guy in red shirt: “Yeah, so then I applied for the administrative position and got it. You have no idea how busy the life of a tax attorney’s junior partner can be, let me tell ya! There was this one case where the client filed a W-1094 form when he should have filed a W-1095 form and oh boy, was that an exciting four months in the office, I can assure you! And another time…”

Guy in white, thinking: “I swear to God, if this putz drones on for one more minute about tax law and fetching files, I’m going to karate chop the bastard square in the Adam’s apple.”

Guy in blue shirt: “Hey, you should feel my shirt, ’cause it’s made of… boyfriend material (wink) …”