Boy toy?


Not sure why a child’s doll needs a name like “Lover Boy,” but who am I to question the wisdom of the Simplicity pattern company.




You know what screams THANKSGIVING to me?
Random dinner rolls thrown haphazardly on some cheap, blue calico.

I mean, what was the art direction here?
“Just make it look like the aftermath of a food-fight. Oh, and toss in some ratty-looking fake plants while you’re at it. That’ll really drive home the seasonal point!”

And don’t even get me started on Tomi there;  although, I do appreciate the sitting on a nest AND being stuffed into a bread basket options they offer here.

Wait… bread basket…
Maybe… the turkey kicked out the rolls before settling into its new home?



That’ll do, Piggy Soo


There are a few things on my “OMG Why Doesn’t This Pattern Exist?!” list that I never thought would see the light of day.
“Cowgirl pig in clogging skirt and boots” wasn’t on that list… UNTIL NOW!!
I mean, if you weren’t sold on the star eyes and ribbon trim, surely the bright red collagen injects lips would grab ya?!
Now, I don’t know who runs the San Francisco Pattern Company, but dammit, I wanna shake his or her hand for a job well done!

Knit wits!

My friend Michelle sent me this little paperback treasure the other day…


Innocuous enough, I guess. There are instructions for hairpin lace shawls, his and her sweaters and whimsical hats, like this, for kids:



Of course, the purple one looks like she beheaded a Muppet and is parading it’s head on a pike, but still, pretty unassuming.

As we peruse the pages of this slice of knitting kitsch, we must slam on the breaks and witness the horror and unbelievable nightmare that is…



Yes, now you too can knit up a yarn monstrosity of your very own!
Because, let’s face it, you didn’t want to ever sleep again, did you?

Thank you so very much, Michelle. I’m sure my therapist will be sending you an invitation to the christening of the yacht he is going to buy with all the money he earns helping me through this yarn trauma.

(And yes, that is the full pattern for you to enjoy.
Please, if you make one of these things, post a picture for me to cherish.)

Some-bunny loves you


The only really wonder here is why someone would design this monstrosity.

Also, I think calling this thing an “adorable bunny” is a bit of a stretch, but I suppose describing it as a “creepy dust-collector that will stare at you while you sleep,” doesn’t sell many patterns.