Scare crows… and everyone else.


Look, I know crows are some of the smartest birds on the planet, but do you honestly think they’ll be able to read the scarf? I mean, crucifying a scarecrow in effigy is pretty frightening to begin with, I don’t think the written signage is necessary.

Respect my authority!


Things were heating up in the day care kitchen…

Lady on right: “Quit your crying; you’ll ruin your makeup.”

Lady on left, quietly sobbing: “It… it still hurts, Sally. I mean… if I’d have know you were going to… I.. I would never have said anything…”

Lady on right: “Let this be a lesson, Peg. If you correct me in front of the principal again, a slap across the cheek will be the least of your problems. Now, clean yourself up and get ready to serve the cupcakes. Those precious angels from the preschool class have been waiting long enough for their treats, AND SO HELP ME PEG, if you drop even one little sprinkle, I’ll give you plenty of reasons to cry!”


Liar liar, duck on fire!


So, “dressed up” means slapping a ribbon around a duck’s neck and calling it a day? Oh sorry, for Christmas, it gets a wreath. Well EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Lake Cottage Applique! Here I thought I’d get a duck in a tux or a ball gown or, Hell, even a pair of overalls, but NOOOOO, just a lousy red ribbon anyone can purchase at the craft store.

Listen up, Lake Cottage Design, when you flash the braggadocios title DRESSED UP DUCK across your pattern sleeve, you damn well better deliver something more than a strip of grosgrain, ya hear!! At least Lucy Lamb isn’t putting on airs and calling herself something she isn’t. She knows her fluffy place and would never sink to such untrue lows.


The burger king


I think the white pad is supposed to be mayonnaise, but knowing the person who is going to make a stack of hot pads in the shape of a hamburger, it’s probably a fried egg.

Also, who drinks coffee while eating a burger?
That’s like chugging a milkshake while eating pancakes.