Here comes the SHHHHHHH!

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At the altar, the bridal party had a little chat…

Lady in green, whispering: “OMG I totally saw Suzy and that cute bartender making out last night at the rehearsal dinner.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “NO! What a slut! I know she can’t keep it in her pants, but damn, on Mindy’s big night. That’s a shame.”

Lady in green, whispering: “Ehhh, like Mindy can judge. Frankly, I’m surprised no one has fainted from the fact that she wore white.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “<giggle> Yeah, if her dress was an indicator of her past exploits, that thing should be fluorescent pink with neon signs pointing to her boobs.”

Bride, yelling: “PIPE DOWN YOU HARPIES! I’M TRYING TO GET HITCHED HERE!”

Junk in the trunk

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Damn girl! Look at you saving all that money on luggage by packing your honeymoon clothes in your bustle!

I get that this is an echo to a forgotten era of clothing, but who at Bellville Sassoon thought this was a flattering design? On the other hand, any bride worried about losing a couple of inches in the seat, before the wedding, doesn’t actually have to put down the Twinkies because this gown’s got your back. LITERALLY!

Wedding bells are gonna chime?

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“Goddammit Frank, just take the stupid picture already.
This dull dress ain’t doing a damn thing for my career.
Oh, and the next time you hand a model a bouquet of flowers, do her a favor and shake the nasty bugs off of them, would ya? It’s cheap enough that you picked these weeds off the side of the road, but at least gimmie a heads up if I need to bring my own can of OFF to the set.”