At the altar, the bridal party had a little chat…
Lady in green, whispering: “OMG I totally saw Suzy and that cute bartender making out last night at the rehearsal dinner.”
Lady in cream, whispering: “NO! What a slut! I know she can’t keep it in her pants, but damn, on Mindy’s big night. That’s a shame.”
Lady in green, whispering: “Ehhh, like Mindy can judge. Frankly, I’m surprised no one has fainted from the fact that she wore white.”
Lady in cream, whispering: “<giggle> Yeah, if her dress was an indicator of her past exploits, that thing should be fluorescent pink with neon signs pointing to her boobs.”
Bride, yelling: “PIPE DOWN YOU HARPIES! I’M TRYING TO GET HITCHED HERE!”
Yeah, because nothing says, “I’m ready to begin my new life with my husband, start a family and live in marital bliss for the rest of my life” better than dressing like nun.
Damn girl! Look at you saving all that money on luggage by packing your honeymoon clothes in your bustle!
I get that this is an echo to a forgotten era of clothing, but who at Bellville Sassoon thought this was a flattering design? On the other hand, any bride worried about losing a couple of inches in the seat, before the wedding, doesn’t actually have to put down the Twinkies because this gown’s got your back. LITERALLY!
“Goddammit Frank, just take the stupid picture already.
This dull dress ain’t doing a damn thing for my career.
Oh, and the next time you hand a model a bouquet of flowers, do her a favor and shake the nasty bugs off of them, would ya? It’s cheap enough that you picked these weeds off the side of the road, but at least gimmie a heads up if I need to bring my own can of OFF to the set.”
And the bride wore… an expression of regret.
Damn Honey, lighten up! It’s your wedding day.
You look like your maid of honor just told you your fiancee was hit by a bus!
Well kids, if there is ever a wedding dress that represents a marriage that will stand the test of time, it’s got to be Fergie’s. Yes siree Bob! You can count on that honeymoon to last an eternity!
When you are shooting a photo for a wedding dress, please do the following:
1- Make sure the dress fits.
2- Find a model that doesn’t look like she is suffering from chronic constipation.
Hugs and kisses,