Here comes the SHHHHHHH!


At the altar, the bridal party had a little chat…

Lady in green, whispering: “OMG I totally saw Suzy and that cute bartender making out last night at the rehearsal dinner.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “NO! What a slut! I know she can’t keep it in her pants, but damn, on Mindy’s big night. That’s a shame.”

Lady in green, whispering: “Ehhh, like Mindy can judge. Frankly, I’m surprised no one has fainted from the fact that she wore white.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “<giggle> Yeah, if her dress was an indicator of her past exploits, that thing should be fluorescent pink with neon signs pointing to her boobs.”


Junk in the trunk


Damn girl! Look at you saving all that money on luggage by packing your honeymoon clothes in your bustle!

I get that this is an echo to a forgotten era of clothing, but who at Bellville Sassoon thought this was a flattering design? On the other hand, any bride worried about losing a couple of inches in the seat, before the wedding, doesn’t actually have to put down the Twinkies because this gown’s got your back. LITERALLY!

Wedding bells are gonna chime?


“Goddammit Frank, just take the stupid picture already.
This dull dress ain’t doing a damn thing for my career.
Oh, and the next time you hand a model a bouquet of flowers, do her a favor and shake the nasty bugs off of them, would ya? It’s cheap enough that you picked these weeds off the side of the road, but at least gimmie a heads up if I need to bring my own can of OFF to the set.”