Normally I don’t do Sunday posts, but today is my sister’s birthday and I felt like doing something nice for her.
I though it would be cute to post her top five favorite Sad patterns, but she actually picked like twenty of them, so I have chosen the best of the best and present them here on her behalf.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE.
Rest assured that as you get older, I will always be younger than you – by three whole years! Isn’t that great!!!
My sister can never remember Darth Vader’s name, but it doesn’t matter; this pattern cracks her up every time. Neither of us were big Star Wars fans growing up. I think we fell asleep during Empire at the movie theater. Well, at least I did…
I’m not sure if this is an officially licensed pattern, but if it is, George Lucas needs to get his money back.
I think the patternmakers were going for Chewbacca, but got Bingo from the Banana Splits instead.
The Princess Leia costume is serviceable; actually, this is probably one of the few times the cinnamon buns work on someone.
I think that smallish, kimono-wearing lump is supposed to be Yoda, but it looks more like a six-year-old’s drawing of the Statue of Liberty.
The ones I really don’t get are the Darth Vader and Mini-me costumes. Look at big Darth’s eyes. Either he needs to lay off the caffeine or he is right in the middle of getting an old fashioned prostate exam.
In hindsight, I might have been a bit rough on this pattern. It is terrible, but clearly I was in a mood.
The holidays drive me crazy (obviously), but for some unknown reason, my sister loves hosting all of the major dinners. I have no idea why she does it, but it always turns out great and I get to hide out from my family in the kitchen afterwards doing dishes.
My God, who smoked crack then though up this turd in the punch bowl? I’m thinking that this one was geared towards the family that takes goofy Christmas pictures every year and then individually signs 100 Christmas letters detailing how amazing their lives are.
“Well, Little Suzie graduated top of her class… Little Billy made All-Star in Baseball, Basketball and Hockey AGAIN!… Mike got another promotion then celebrated by taking the entire family and some friends, first class, to Aruba for 10 days… aren’t we lucky?!”
No. You’re a bitch for rubbing it in our faces and I don’t feel bad for getting you a five dollar bowl I found at the BOTTOM OF THE CLEARANCE SHELF AT MARSHALL’S!
Also, check out “sad Frosty”. Geez, lighten up kid. At least you don’t have to wear a scratchy Christmas tree dress that makes you like you are covering up an unwanted pregnancy.
I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT LINE IN A CHRISTMAS LETTER!
This one is actually a private joke. My sister and I used to work together and there is a church over by the office that put out a ton of small signs that read “Come Join the Harvest” for their monthly congregation drive one day. For some reason this saying struck us as terribly funny and we forever repeated the line in a spooky “you’re being lead to your doom” voice. To date, whenever one of us says the word ‘harvest’, we giggle.
Going from the left to the right, it looks like this is the evolution of becoming Annie.
The more you become like Annie, the more your soul evaporates and your eyes become cold and distant.
Look at the girl on the right.
You can almost hear her beckon you in a soft, ominous voice… “come be one of us”… “join the harvest”…
She even has her own adorable Hell hound.
My sister LOVES this one; actually, I think everyone does. It’s been featured on here like 50 times, but frankly, it never gets old.
“No Johnny, it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a white sheet with a matching hood for Halloween. Besides it’s a time saver QUICKIE, that’s how I was able to make all your friends matching ones. Won’t you all look amazing marching down the street together when you go to your friend Jamal’s Halloween party?!”
I think this one speaks for itself.
Let’s hope this is a book of instructions for making a bra.
Hey lady, Freddie from Scooby Doo called. He wants his ascot back.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this little romp down memory lane.
Tune in tomorrow for an all new, all terrible Sad Pattern!