Don’t have a cow


If by “Special Touch,” you mean,
“wall decoration that will force your guests to reconsider your friendship”
then yeah, this thing is REALLY special.


On a wall indeed!


Girl: “I wanna be a pretty princess!”

Boy on right: “I wanna be a brave knight!”

Boy on wall: “I wanna be a brave knight too!”

Director: “Sorry Billy. You are getting the Humpty Dumpty costume.”

Boy on wall: “But why?”

Director: “Because no one likes you. Now smile for the camera.”

It ends in a tie


All these ties and they can’t cinch up the one around the model’s neck?
Seriously, you people have no idea how much that stupid little gap between
the knot and the top of the collar band drives me crazy.

Also, apart from going to a hundred thrift stores and buying a haul,
who has THAT many color-coordinated neckties hanging in the closet?


Something in the air…


Everyone regretted scheduling the photo shoot for after lunch…

Girl on right: ” I… can’t… hold… my breath… any… more…”

Girl on left: “Hey, it ain’t my fault I got gas. No one told my mamma to make her famous broccoli surprise for lunch.”

Girl on right: “I… hate you… so much… right now…”

Girl on left: “And then she served ice cream for dessert. It sure was delicious, but mamma knows that rocky road rips through my system like a freight train headed for the coast.”

Girl on right: “Passing… out…”

Girl on left: “Oh hush, drama queen. You’ll get used to the stench… eventually.”


Shocking, isn’t it?


If by “whimsical” you mean, “a nutcracker  with a face that looks like someone just shoved an electric cattle prod up its ass,” then yeah, this is VERY whimsical.

(Patrick, I will completely understand if you never speak to me again.)


Blown to bits and pieces


“Happy birthday! I crocheted you a floating crayon wizard, the head of a decapitated clown, two leprechauns being held at gun point against a bowl, some Christmas things, the ugliest basket in the world and some flowers in a vase. ENJOY!!”