I have some questions for you, pattern book:
Is the cigar for the creepy-faced bunny? If so, why?
What the Hell is the laughing baby holding? Is that a hot dog in a tampon?
Who killed the clowns, and where are their bodies?
Are those cars or space ships?
I eagerly await your answers.
“I’m only wearing this because my fat pants are too tight”
like a tiered, tube-top, tent dress.
The real excitement is that she ain’t wearing a damn thing under that blanket!
(p.s. Those neckties are terrible, but still charming in a retro kitsch kinda way.)
Well, thanks to this pattern,
what’s left of my childhood just shriveled up and blew away
in a cold, bitter gust of wind.
And damn, Judy, relax.
That model looks like she’s plotting someone’s murder.
With all the MAGIC this pattern is throwing out there, you’d think there would be dazzling spell to remove those floppy tumors from his chest.
Oh wait; those are his arms.
Barbie has been a doctor, an astronaut, an equestrian,
a scientist and a race car driver, just to name a few occupations.
Never thought I would have to add
“high-dollar Vegas call-girl” to that list,
but here we are.
Look, I know crows are some of the smartest birds on the planet, but do you honestly think they’ll be able to read the scarf? I mean, crucifying a scarecrow in effigy is pretty frightening to begin with, I don’t think the written signage is necessary.