Decisions, decisions…


Somewhere at the Simplicity think tank, a conversation was being had…

“Hey, for the photo shoot, should we get a hairstylist?”

“Nah, why bother? It’s just a jogging jumpsuit.
The model’s hair is supposed to look tussled and messy..”

“OK, but a jogging jumpsuit is a hard sell. Wouldn’t a little styling be advised?”

“Honey, if the customer has resigned themselves to wearing a jogging jumpsuit in public, the last thing that will help them is raking a comb through their hair.”


Ich bin ein knitter?


I can only imagine that “Wiener Frauenzeitung” translates into,
“Instructions for knitting the world’s ugliest jacket.”

Grammar love


Lady on right: “It’s so sad… I … I think I’m going to cry…”

Lady on left: “What is it, Linda? Did you get some bad news?”

Lady on right: “Jack wrote me a letter… he wants to break up…”

Lady on left: “Oh, that’s why you’re crying? Honey, I’m surprised that even moved you. I thought you were going to dump his ass anyway when you started seeing that hunky bodybuilder behind his back?”

Lady on right: “Oh I’m not crying because that loser broke up with me; I’m crying because he has no idea that ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ are two different words.”

Lady on left: “It’s probably for the best, dear…”

Truth in advertising?

From the Michelle files, we bring you Juvenile Styles
with the most unfortunate copy ever written…


“So, you’re saying I was an accident?”


“Look, I said I’d model for you; there’s no need to make obscene gestures.”


“Mommy, why does everyone giggle when I say the word, ‘pussy?'”

Like mother, like daughter…

More of Michelle’s nonsense!


Lady on left, through gritted teeth:“Mom, I swear, if my friends ever find out you made me wear this crap for a photo shoot, I’m shipping you to the retirement home two years early.”

Lady on right, through gritted teeth: “Just shut up and smile or I’m cutting you out of the will.”

Lady on left, through gritted teeth: “Heh! No pittance you’re leaving me will ever be worth this humiliation.”

Lady on right, through gritted teeth: “Mother was right; I should have stopped at 2 kids.”

Ahoy, matey, I’ll have the French toast…

My friend, Michelle, recently sent me some deliciously awful patterns from yesteryear.
It always tickles and delights me to know that when my friends see terrible sewing patterns, they immediately think of me.

This week, we’ll be celebrating the treasures she sent me.


Petticoat not included? Well, then forget the whole thing!

I mean honestly, I get that Laura Ashley was the 80’s answer to the conservative preppy look, but what sensible woman genuinely wanted to dress
like an Amish sailor going to brunch?