It’s the thought that counts

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Lady on right: “Suzy, what the hell is that hat?”

Lady on left: “Oh… Henry bought it for me. I know it’s ugly, but I had to wear it. I felt bad that he picked it out for me… I just didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s hideous.”

Lady on right: “I suppose it’s not your fault your husband has no taste. I’m guessing the sales lady wasn’t any help either. Probably last season’s clearance rack special they needed to unload on a sucker.”

Lady on left: “That’s what I’m afraid of, and he was so proud that he bought something for me that wasn’t an appliance.”

Lady on right: “That’s sweet dear, but next time you get the feeling he’s looking to buy you a gift, try leaving some fashion magazines open around the house with pictures of good accessories circled in red ink!”

The future is calling

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“Hello. Oh, 1985? Yes, I do have your dress, but it’s in use right now and I couldn’t possibly return it. No, I plan on wearing it at least until 1986.
I’ll let you know when I can send it back.
Thanks for your call, but if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back power dressing.
Good bye.”

Here comes the SHHHHHHH!

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At the altar, the bridal party had a little chat…

Lady in green, whispering: “OMG I totally saw Suzy and that cute bartender making out last night at the rehearsal dinner.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “NO! What a slut! I know she can’t keep it in her pants, but damn, on Mindy’s big night. That’s a shame.”

Lady in green, whispering: “Ehhh, like Mindy can judge. Frankly, I’m surprised no one has fainted from the fact that she wore white.”

Lady in cream, whispering: “<giggle> Yeah, if her dress was an indicator of her past exploits, that thing should be fluorescent pink with neon signs pointing to her boobs.”

Bride, yelling: “PIPE DOWN YOU HARPIES! I’M TRYING TO GET HITCHED HERE!”

What’s that smell?

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Guy on left: “Oh boy! Sure am looking forward to a good night’s sleep!”

Guy on right: “Me too. Oh and Steve, if you give me another Dutch Oven tonight, I’m dumping your ass in the morning.”

Guy on left: “Oh, come on, Roy. I’m just having some fun with ya.”

Guy on right: “Fun is fine, but when it stinks like a garbage barge rotting in the hot sun, I tend to get a little aggravated.”