Just keep swimming…


Well, OK, if your family includes a gay uncle who likes wearing uncomfortably tight and tiny racing trunks in public, sure…


Serving turkey


Let’s just cram the words, “Gobble Gobble,” into any empty corner of your wonky turkey embroidery and get that thing to the printers, PRONTO!

I mean, it’s bad enough that this bird’s butt is higher than the designers were when they doodled this thing on a cocktail napkin, but honestly, do you have to also give graphic designers everywhere mild strokes when they see this layout disaster?

Happy Thanksgiving, people!

Two faced


Oh good.
Now you can make creepy clown face jewelry for yourself AND a friend! And every time you look at it in the mirror, staring back at you with those bleeding eyes, you can think fondly of that special someone and question why you became friends with them in the first place.

Life’s a beach


“OK honey, the pattern company wants fire, energy and excitement for this swimwear shoot, so let me have it! Make love to the camera, frolic and really sell the beach theme! Umm, honey, what’s happening? We need something here. A smile, some posing, a little life… Look sweetie, the publisher is paying big bucks for this shoot and they aren’t going to be happy with a somber layout, so can you… please… just… dammit, fine. We’ll go with the ‘aggressive snob holding in a fart’ look and see what they say. If they hate it, we’ll just call it ‘art.’ Hell, I get paid either way. “

We’re all family


Lady on left: “Well, tonight’s the big night! I finally get to meet your parents! I’m so glad you invited them to dinner.”

Lady on right: “Yeah, about that…see, they still don’t know we’re an item. In fact, I still haven’t told them that I’m… well…”

Lady on right: “Wait! You mean to tell me your parents don’t know that you’re… and that we’re… OMG Maggie! What’s wrong with you?!”

Lady on right: “Well, I told them I met someone named Leslie, and they assumed you were a guy. I just never corrected them. I’m sorry.”

Lady on left: “I mean… well… It’s OK… I just hope they don’t get upset when they find out.”

Lady on right: “I can’t imagine they would. Growing up, my bedroom walls were covered in Melissa Etheridge posters; so at this point, they probably just need the confirmation to settle a bet.”


There’s always that one…


OK, the burlap daises might be OK in a shabby chic arrangement…

The pillow, simple and scrappy, could look alright in a kids room…

The covered purse, well, maybe with a costume…

The orange cat, hmmm… well, for a child’s first sewn, stuffed toy, OK, I’ll let it slide…

The worried, anthropomorphic penis covered in flowers though, should probably have never left the drawing board.