Everybody jump, jump


In all fairness to the models,
it can’t be easy making two of the world’s ugliest jumpsuits look sexy.

I mean, they could have gone with a simple black crepe, or a clean beige color, but no, someone with a vision greater than mine said,
“Let’s crank out the samples in martini olive and baby-shit green please!”

Currently, the scoreboard reads: Burda – 1,  Sewing public – 0


After hours overtime

jun2015tThe pose on the left says, “Yes sir. Once the data is entered, I’ll have the necessary reports ready for the meeting…”

But the pose on the right says, “Oh sir, I’m the only data that needs entering. Now, let’s schedule another meeting… in bed!”


Beachwear for funerals



This post originally appeared on June 26, 2013

I get that you’ll need a beach cover-up while out and about by the shore, but for some reason, the good people at Vogue suggest that you forgo the usual T-shirt & flip-flops, and dress up like a goth Holly Hobbie in mourning.

Here kitty… you know what, never mind…


Gah! What other-worldly demon possessed that cat on the aquarium?
Those eyes!
I’m just waiting for its head to spin around and pea soup to spew from it’s mouth!

Being a cat, the pea soup will, of course, always hit the carpet
and not the easily cleaned hardwoods, so just get the Woolite ready.

The glory of the 80’s



I can’t even imagine the number of proms this pattern was used for.

It’s like Bellville Sassoon had an 80’s checklist for formal wear:
Unnecessary train? CHECK.
Obnoxious bow? CHECK
Ruching? CHECK
Superfluous fabric flowers on the shoulder that will get caught on everything?

This little piggy, and crow, and dragon…


You know, I’ve always wanted a plastic canvas pig mask. Admittedly, there are few places to wear it, but still, I think owning one, and then telling people I have it, would be just enough to make me truly happy.