SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:
This post originally appeared on July 25, 2013
At the Michaelson’s pool party, Laura and Suzie have their usual stimulating conversation…
Lady on left: “Wow Suzie! I’m surprised that they make patterns that can accommodate such a small bust! What is that? A children’s size?”
Lady on right: “No, it’s just custom fitted. It’s so nice to be able to show off my sewing skills like this, don’t you think? Being able to take of my jacket in public and not have to deal with all that pock-marked and saggy skin you constantly have to hide? Yes, it’s terribly freeing for me.”
Lady on left: “Well, there is something to be said for modesty. Speaking of which, I’m surprised that you’re still wearing pants. It’s well past noon, shouldn’t you be skinny dipping in the hopes of catching a much younger man’s eye by now?”
Lady on right: “Noon already!?! Gosh let me pour you another drink Laura; it is much too late in the day for you to be this sober.”
Want to keep Jack Frost at bay this coming winter?
Why not knit up some fake furn yarn that looks like you skinned a calico cat to stay warm! Yes, amaze your friends with your knitting skills
as the people around you call the ASPCA in concern.
Head for the hills, Mittens!
No kitty is safe when Patons makes a pattern!
Gosh honey, don’t emote too much there, you might bust a stitch.
Damn, she looks like her CPA just told her she was being audited by the IRS.
Even the chick in the bubble’s like, “Lighten up, Karen.”
As it is currently flooding here in Houston, I thought it would be nice to look at a raincoat pattern. Heck, everyone needs a good raincoat, even dolls.
Now, I’m not sure your Cabbage Patch Kid need the kind of filthy tan raincoat that perverts wear to the 24 hour cinema, but hey, who am I to judge.
SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:
This post originally appeared on July 30, 2013
At one point in your adult life, you’ll look at yourself in the mirror, while wearing a homemade Daisy Kingdom dress and question whether or not it is appropriate to do so.
Unless you work at a toy store where your job is to entertain children by pretending to be a deranged character from a story book fable, then the answer is no, it’s not appropriate to wear a homemade Daisy Kingdom dress in your adult life.
ANOTHER Marti Michell pattern makes the blog in one week??
Dang girl, what happened to you in the 90’s?
OK, we got a chicken, a pig and a DEAR GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT COW??!?!
Why is its head flat?
With those lifeless eyes, the poor thing looks like it met the business end of a steamroller while staring into headlights.
“Red hot” dogs under a hot dog on a fork… hmmm…
Lemmie guess, the pig is cooking bacon?
Not sure if McCall’s is really into puns or just subtly advocating animal cannibalism.