Who’s the leader of the… oh forget it.



This post originally appeared on January 24, 2013

On the way to lunch, Linda says something she shouldn’t have…

Lady 2: “Look Pat, I didn’t mean…”

Lady 1: “It’s alright Linda. I know what you meant. But, you of all people know that I just can’t afford to fly off to Disneyland and get some authentic mouse ears. I had to make my own and I know they didn’t come out just right, but I’m happy with them and that’s all that matters.”

Lady 2: “I’m really sorry… hey! Would it make you feel better if I spoke like Donald Duck for the rest of the day?”

Lady 1: “Maybe, but I’d prefer Goofy…”


Good sportsmanship


Sally gave Linda a useful gift.

Or did she?

Lady on right: “What a fun match! I didn’t think I could pull it off, but in the end I really excelled out there! You know, you might want to choke up on the racket if you want to perfect that backhand of yours…”

Lady on left: “I lost because this damn visor you gave me didn’t reflect the sun like you said it would. It’s clear plastic. CLEAR PLASTIC! I was blinded on every shot!”

Lady on right: “Hmmm. It always works when I wear it. You must have it on wrong. What say you wear it again tomorrow so I can kick your ass.. err… WE can play a few more sets?”

Oh joy.


These are the most melancholy unicorns I have ever seen in my life.

The one in the back looks like it just got some bad news and the one in the front has had all the life drained from its eyes.

Maybe the this line of patterns should be called:
Patches of Joy… Don’t Exist and Your Life is a Miserable Lie.

Love means…


Dear Ali McGraw,

Please, for the sake of all that is precious, NEVER design another pattern.
I don’t know how to break this to you, but no woman on this planet ever needs to wear layered place mats on her shoulders. Frankly speaking, you look like you’re sticking your head through the center of the breakfast table.
Just, no.

Hugs and kisses,

Sad Patterns

Going to the chapel



This post originally appeared on January 31, 2013

Dear Style,

When you are shooting a photo for a wedding dress, please do the following:

1- Make sure the dress fits.

2- Find a model that doesn’t look like she is suffering from chronic constipation.

Hugs and kisses,

Sad Patterns

More lasagna?


As much as I loves me some Garfield, I’m going to have to pass on this set of instructions. Don’t get me wrong; I like plastic canvas crafts, but I refuse to believe Garfield would so blatantly pay Odie a compliment on the side of a tote bag.