I always wondered what it would be like if Elton John
designed the costumes for Dr. Zhivago.
Guy in stripe shirt, thinking: “It… it’s just so… perfect! Mustn’t stare… mustn’t stare…”
Guy in white shirt, thinking: “Aww Hell! I’m looking. Something that fine deserves adoration and worship!”
Guy in check shirt, thinking: “DAMN SON! YOU GOT A LICENCE TO CARRY THAT THING!?!”
Guy in blue shirt, thinking: “Every time I wear these pants I get random guys checking out my ass… MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!”
Tina’s mom was working through some issues…
“Hey sweetie, I just finished a new stuffed decoration for you!
It’s a tiny ballerina, clutching a floating heart… as if she’d been abandoned by someone she trusted and left to fend for herself.
If you pay attention, you can see the quiet desperation of her lifeless eyes slowly fade away as she loses her grip and comes to terms with her fate.
Frankly, the sweet embrace of death would be a blessing for her.
Now, let’s go hang her up so the countdown to her demise can begin!!”
SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:
This post originally appeared on February 29, 2012
Ah yes, because nothing says “smart, young and professional” like dusty rose and gray.
My God, lighten up a little Simplicity.
Here you are, offering women in the workforce an affordable option to paying outrageous prices at the department store, and you beat any joy or life out of it by drowning the samples in hues that a colorblind undertaker would call depressing.
WAY TO GO!
Kid on right, through gritted teeth: “Oh. My. God. I can’t believe I’m being forced to wear this stupid cat shirt and bag”
Lady on left, through gritted teeth: “You think you got it bad? My cats go all the way around. Not even my ass is safe from this feline crap.”
Kid on right, through gritted teeth: “My agent is going to get an ear-full when I get back to the agency. This is the last time I work for McCalls.”
Lady on left, through gritted teeth: “You and me both. At last this is all we’re wearing today. Just keep smiling and we can go get some ice cream afterwards.”
Kid on right, through gritted teeth: “Some ice cream? Hell, I’m going to need all 31 flavors after this fiasco.”
Fuss free fit?
More like, “I have forsaken giving a crap about clothes that, in any way, shape or form, flatter my body” fit.
Seriously, this pattern includes “special instructions for fitting.” Ummm, what exactly are you fitting? You’re wearing the fabric equivalent of a lampshade.
Contouring the body is no longer an issue.