On how to look lovely…


I’d like to learn the short-cuts to sewing success, but all I have is a diamond tiara and this book clearly requires pearls. Oh well.


Under the sea

jul2014uThe lobster – OK, it’s kinda cute.

The dolphin – Yeah, that’s pretty good for a homemade kid’s costume.

The octopus – With that mask on and in those colors, he looks like a Ninja Turtle’s bowel movement.


Cutting the cheese


You know, every morning, I wake up and the first thought in my head is, “What would a French cheesemaker wear today?” Then I remember this pattern and promptly realize that  dressing like a French cheesemaker is probably not a good idea.

Also, are sheep known for their milk? Why is a cheesemaker, French or otherwise, tending to a flock of sheep? Shouldn’t he be doing other things, like, oh, I dunno…

Let’s not



This post originally appeared on December 20, 2011il_fullxfull-124329399

I’m not sure what kind of bottle she is carrying, but I’ll pretend it is wine, because you’d have to be drunk off your ass to get anywhere near that sweater. Even without the long,  goofy sleeves, no straight man on the planet would gravitate towards a pull-over that makes him look like a gay Bomb-Pop.

Polly wanna stitch?


If by “quick and easy,” you mean “boring and pointless,” then yes, it’s VERY quick and easy. And ummm, this is kind of a stupid question in regards to a quilt pattern, but… WHERE’S THE DAMN QUILTING??

I see like, two rows of stitches, total. I don’t know who Donna Lee is, but she might want to rethink her approach to patternmaking.