The rules are simple

june2014tStep #1: Get a decent hairstylist.

Step #2: Give Estelle Getty back her cardigan.

Step #3: Stop wearing a hubcap as a pendant.




It’s going down



This post originally appeared on February 22, 2012

Little girl in pink: “That’s right honey!  Yo mamma’s so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, “Hey, Kool-Aid!”

Little girl in green: “Biiiiiiiiiiiitch! What you say ’bout my mamma?”

Little girl in white: “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!…”

O boy…


At Timmy Jackson’s annual slumber party, a discovery was made…

Boy in stripes: “…Dunno, Mike gave it to me. It’s called The Story of O. He wrapped it in a jet plane magazine book cover so our parents wouldn’t see it.”

Boy in Yellow: “Is it a bad book? I don’t want to get in trouble if we read it.”

Boy in stripes: “Not sure. He said it’s about a guy who has a some kind of power over a woman.”

Boy in yellow: “Power? Like the X-Men? That’s cool! I love comic books! Let’s read it tonight!”





I have a few questions for this pattern:

Why is it that the Precious Moments figures all look like they are on the verge of crying to death?

What exactly is he doing to the beehive?

If he and the bee are “Fur-ever” friends, why did the bee sting him?

Is this bear on anti-depressants?

I await your answers, Precious Moments.

Real fruit flavor

june2014q(This pattern comes courtesy of my friend Tamsin.
She runs Berrima Patchwork in the land of Oz!)

Why is dad wearing a soft toilet seat cover on his head? The last time I checked, Lifesavers came in a foil wrapper. If it’s supposed to be a piece of candy, when did they start packing Pep-O-Mint in the fruity tube?
It’s probably not his fault though; I mean, just look at his face. You can tell that man is 120% done with Halloween and is just biding his time until the bars open.

Also, were there no green tights and T-shirts at the store? The kids bothered to color coordinate, but clearly mom has given up on caring and decided to shatter the giant candy illusion by clashing and wearing a trashcan lid as a hat. THANKS, LADY!