Break time…


Sad Patterns is going on a break from now until Monday, June 3rd while Uncle Gilbert tends to some personal issues. Feel free to peruse the archives and remember all the crap the pattern companies have thrown at you so far.

I’ll be back on Monday to make sure all of your sewing nightmares come true. I’ll also be revealing June’s Saturday theme. 

Hugs and kitten,



Picnic in the vineyard

may2013xYes, because when you want to promote an adorably beloved, children’s, stuffed play-thing, you pair it with champagne.  Hey kids! Let’s celebrate your early admission into the Betty Ford clinic with a plush friend!


Vest dressed?

may2013wThere is so much to dissect on this pattern, I don’t know where to start first. I guess the vests are innocuous enough; of course, they look like they were made from the settees in your Aunt Edna’s formal living room.

Matching your bag to your outfit is sometimes fun, however this time, not so much. It just looks like you ran out of fabric and had to quickly patchwork something together because nothing on the planet would ever go with those vests.

Of course, these are all eclipsed by the giant berets of doom that both models are sporting. Now, I’ve made several berets in my life, but I’ve never been able to get mine to look like shower caps on steroids. That’s probably a good thing, right?


Old glory




You know, every day I look at the water cooler here at work and think, ‘gosh, that hideous monstrosity would so much more charming with a stuffed bunny, dressed in calico and pretending to be Betsy Ross, sitting on it; but alas, my dreams of that glorious vision may never come true.