ESPecially tacky

Yes, I am EXTRA SURE that these are quite possibly the most unflattering pants to have even been made in the history of bifurcated garments.


Hampered plans

Because the name “Evan the Electoral Elephant” was already taken…

And what exactly is Leon laughing at? He could just be projecting his insecurities? I mean, if I was a lion and I had iced bear-claws as paws, I’d question my place in the world and quite possibly laugh out loud at random strangers walking past me as I unwillingly held soiled underwear within my body cavity.

Happy Holidays?


There, before the onlookers and the festivities of the lone Christmas tree, the top Santa quilt held out his smoking revolver to enact the execution so ordered by the state. His willingness and nonexistent smirk suggested a twisted pleasure in reaping the lives of the innocent, as the cold December wind blew away the aromatic gunpowder leaking from the barrel of his Colt 45. The three Santas lined up against an unforgiving beige wall on the bottom quilt were resigned to their fates and closed their eyes in anticipation of death’s frigid embrace. More than one lump of coal would be dealt into the ragged stocking of life that day as the top Santa readied his shot.

Shoplifters will be prosecuted


Girl on left, through gritted teeth, whispering: “Do you think the security guard saw me slip that bra and pantie set into my bag?”

Girl on right, through gritted teeth, whispering: “No clue Doris. Just keep smiling and acting natural”