SAD PATTERNS CELEBRATES HALLOWEEN!!!
Ladies and the two gentlemen who read this blog, in honor of this gloriously frightful day, I present to you four of the stupidest costume patterns that I have ever seen. And on this site, THAT MEANS A LOT!
DEAR GOD, IT’S RAINING FROGS! THE PLAGUES ARE UPON US! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Who knew McCall’s Pattern Company would be the harbinger of the apocalypse?
I have no idea how much high-grade weed they are smoking at the Burda factory, but it might be time for an intervention. Hey kids, LaBelle called, they want their costumes back. And what kind of idiot stamps “BEAM” or “2001” across his chest without any explanation? These costumes would have been just as pointless with “VACUUM” and “90210” instead.
Hmmm, I always wondered what a Little Shop of Horrors/Sesame Street collaboration would look like…
Something tells me that little Bobby there was adopted.
This pattern isn’t terrible, but I just want to know if it includes instructions on how to get the fringe on the pants to stick out like that. There must be a detailed,step by step set of directions for this technique, right? Seriously, I refuse to believe the artist would draw the fringe like that because he lacked a basic understanding of how to illustrate fringe. I mean, come on, THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY!
Just in case you thought we didn’t feature enough clown costumes on this site, I thought I’d add a couple more logs of nightmare fuel to the churning bonfire of your good night’s rest.
The costume is innocuous enough, but what the Hell possessed the illustrator to draw that make-up? Tall clown #3 looks like something you’d see stalking a pretty blonde girl in a Stephen King movie.
OK, I’d be kidding if I said I didn’t want a pattern for a jester’s stick. Here’s my logic: If you did something bad at work, you could just carry that thing with you to the meeting and wave it around for everyone to smile at. Think of the laughs you’ll get as they hand you your pink slip!
Sad Patterns has gone BATTY!!
WRONG KIND OF BAT DUMBASS!
From the neck down, you have a decent superhero costume.
From the neck up… well… all I can say is, good luck getting candy with that a crappy felt sewing disaster on your head.
It’s a good thing Butterick never made costumes of Batman’s villains. Can you imagine how bad that would be?
Girl B: “Hey Cindy, do you think I look enough like a creepy witch?”
Girl A: “Yeah yeah, you look fine. Now hurry up. We still have to get over to old lady Jackson’s house and scare the crap out of her.”
Girl B: “OMG, I love frightening her more than anything! Do you think she’ll be so scared her dentures fly out of her mouth like last year?
Girl A: “No clue, but whoever doesn’t catch them in her trick or treat bag has to give the other one a handful of candy!”
The devils, Vampira and the monster’s bride up there make sense to some degree. The wizard… umm, OK I’ll give it to them; although, it’s really a stretch. The fey ghost, albeit goofy, also fits in. What I don’t get is the ninja photobomb. It’s like a cast extra from the Power Rangers shoot next door stumbled on to the wrong set and decided to make friends.
That long, glowing finger is where all of the alien anal probe rumors got started.
Phone home? How about I call you a cab and SEND you home. Because that’s what going to happen if you ever wear this costume anywhere near me!