Where’s Calvin?

Sad Patterns presents

KITTIES!!

If you stare at this pattern long enough, the alligator looks stoned, the snakes look hungry/evil and the cat looks like a bizarre, stylized version of Hobbs.

Only this Hobbs isn’t in my imagination.

It’s for real and forever incapable of looking me directly in the eye.

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Survey Says!

The people in these patterns look like they are posing for some bizarre portraits… wait a minute….

MEET, THE SIMPLICITYS!

Flapper, Angel, Princess, Genie and the youngest, Little Mermaid and her flat, cartoon fish!

COMPETING AGAINST, THE BUTTERICKS! 

Fairy Godmother, Bunny, Leopard, Clown Face and riding high on her magic broom of doom, it’s L’il Witchy!

…AND THEY’RE ALL HERE TO PLAY THE FAMILY FEUD!

Decisions, decisions…

This is the perfect pattern for:

A – Making your child look like a Cabbage Patch Kid

B – Forcing your child to live out your ‘Little House on the Prairie’ fantasies

C – Using up all of the mis-match Laura Ashley sheets from your glory days in the eighties.

This bites!

Lady on left: “Betty, can you still see the teeth marks that dumb-ass ‘vampire’ guy gave me last night?”

Lady on right: “Just a little bit. Most of the blood has dried up and the puncture holes don’t look like they will scar that much”

Lady on left: “Good.Thanks. You know, I have nothing against the Twilight books, but that is the last time I go out with a guy whose screen name is EDWARDCULLENFORLIFE!”