Ah yes, because nothing says “smart, young and professional” like dusty rose and gray. My God, lighten up a little Simplicity. Here you are, offering women in the workforce an affordable option to paying outrageous prices at the department store and you beat any joy or life out of it by drowning the samples in hues that a colorblind undertaker would call depressing.



I wonder what the “G” stands for…

I don’t remember G.I. Joe ever looking this gay.

What the hell is he supposed to keep in the little waist bag? His compact?

Seriously the guy on the left is one glow stick away from an all-night Halloween rave on Fire Island.

Oh look, bonus instructions on how to smear shoe polish under your eyes!

Thank you Butterick.

Without your divine guidance, I would have NEVER figured that out.


To be read in a heavy Russian accent.

“Welcome to Moscow House of Pancake. We run special, TODAY ONLY! You get hard boil egg, half of pancake and choice borscht or hot cabbage. Table for 2?”

Now, I’m all for the peasant look, but this pattern should really come with a milk pail and a goat.

Under wraps…


“Everybody was kung fu fighting” was a song, not a lifestyle people!

You have no idea how much I was obsessed with kimono robes when I first learned how to sew. There was something about the simplicity of the construction and the minimal pattern pieces that just struck a chord in me. Come to think of it, I never really got over it. Every now and then I’ll work a kimono sleeve into something I’m designing.

By Sad Patterns standards, these examples are rather tame.

I must be slipping in my old age.

You’re under arrest!

Now, either this is a group of kids heading out for a fun evening of trick or treating or the police have just busted the only burglary ring in the state where the thieves wear the most ridiculous masks on the planet. Either way, the frog looks like he’s ready to confess.

Hold my purse!

Little girl in pink: “That’s right honey!  Yo mamma’s so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, “Hey, Kool-Aid!”

Little girl in green: “Biiiiiiiiiiiitch! What you say ’bout my mamma?”

Little girl in white: “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!…”