Ho ho ho, opossums!
Well, today is Christmas and you know what that means… tomorrow all of the wrapping paper at Target is HALF OFF!
Of course you’re going! You need to stock up on that stuff.
You say it every year, “I’m going to buy it half-off now that way next year I don’t have to buy it at full price.”
You know you bought more than one roll this year at full retail. Yeah, I saw that you went into your “holiday” closet. The one in the back of the house that has 9 year old Halloween decorations and that hideous plush turkey Aunt Edna got you and expects to see next to the real turkey at Thanksgiving EVERY YEAR. You took one look at the paper you got for 50% off and turned your nose up at it. You then gave it to the kids so they can wrap all of their insignificant gifts with it.
You know what I mean. The little gifts they give to their friends, the teacher they don’t like, but have to get something for anyway, the box of Milk Bones you buy the neighbor’s dog…
Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself. You stared last year’s frugality dead in the eye and said “NO SIR! Half-off is not good enough for the $5.98 crystal bowl I found for Aunt Edna on the clearance rack at Marshall’s!”
Shame on me… err… you. Shame on YOU, I mean…
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Christmas. Well, here we are at the end of another year. And what better way to define the holidays than with a terrible sewing pattern!
My God, who smoked crack then though up this turd in the punch bowl? I’m thinking that this one was geared towards the family that takes goofy Christmas pictures every year and then individually signs 100 Christmas letters detailing how amazing their lives are.
“Well, Little Suzie graduated top of her class… Little Billy made All-Star in Baseball, Basketball and Hockey AGAIN!… Mike got another promotion then celebrated by taking the entire family and some friends, first class, to Aruba for 10 days… aren’t we lucky?!”
No. You’re a bitch for rubbing it in our faces and I don’t feel bad for getting you a five dollar bowl I found at the BOTTOM OF THE CLEARANCE SHELF AT MARSHALL’S!
Also, check out “sad Frosty”. Geez, lighten up kid. At least you don’t have to wear a scratchy Christmas tree dress that makes you like you are covering up an unwanted pregnancy.
I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT LINE IN A CHRISTMAS LETTER!
“… and I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and to all, crappy sewing patterns!”
Be safe out there party people!
Hugs and Ednas,