A penguin, a monkey and a frog walk into a bar…

As the wicked winds of Autumn’s bitter reign drive mighty gusts forward into the sacred woods, the once unyielding oak trees shiver in fear and shame as the smallest of creatures run for any shelter the decimated forest can provide. This brittle landscape, once proud and fertile, now clings to the hope of our three brave heroes as they make their way to the Wretched Overlord’s castle to rescue the Princess of Light.

But first, they have to save Coco’s bananas because he carelessly threw them in to the branches yet again…

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Go west…

Hey kids! Join the latest fashion fad!

Now, you too can dress like the child of a colorblind pioneer!

I understand modesty, but come on; couldn’t you have put that little girl in a color that doesn’t look like an overcast sky?

“Mommy, can I play outside? Sure honey, but make sure to wear your depressing gray dress… you know, the one that makes you question your purpose in life…”

Draggin’ ass…

Let’s see…

An elephant, a mouse, a dog, two kinds of rabbits, a cat, a duck and a non-descript yellow thing with liver spots, a bad manicure, an overbite, do-it-yourself antennas and a tail that looks like the business end of a dragon is burying itself in the ass of a 10 year old…

Yeah, I have no idea why this pattern is featured on this site…

The end of innocence

Good bye dollies?

Are they leaving? Why does this look like the cover to a Judy Blume book?

 The Good-Bye Dollies

by

Sad Patterns

Amber, Sissy, Kara, Jen and Megan had always been the best of friends. They grew up together on the same block and lived, loved and laughed as only the best of friends could do. Life was a blissful carnival and all of them enjoyed the thrill of riding the Ferris wheel of innocence until that fateful summer when the accident happened. Dreams were shattered, lives were lost, men were used and pills were taken all in an effort to live life to the fullest. In a few short weeks the carefree abandon of being a doll was wiped out by the grim reality of life in a box, on a shelf, in the ‘clearance toys’ aisle of their local Target store.

My head is throbbing…

Little known fact*

Halston began his early millinery career because of his heritage. He was originally born on the planet Glellfax 7, where the women have large brains that cause their heads to expand and contract depending on their thought processes. The crown of this hat was designed to camouflage this alien trait and help the women of Glellfax 7 assimilate into Earth’s culture.

 *total lie

Oh for cluck’s sake!

I feel so used.

I own both of these patterns because, well, they are chickens. Chickens rule, but how much does it pain me to know that both Simplicity and Butterick have fowl spies working at each others factory? I mean, come on! These are the EXACT same chicken patterns. I knew they looked similar, Hell I bought them to compare the pieces, but I had no idea that the patternmaking gods would unleash their quilted feathery wrath on me that fateful day!

The only bonus to the Butterick pattern is that I can now make chicks, a little goose wreath and mice; however, we all know how well that will turn out.

So there you have it… my ugly, chicken truth.

Did I learn something? Yes. What it is, I’m not exactly sure… I’ll let you know as soon as I finish sewing them…