Vexed in the city…

Why do these two look like they are staring at someone who is about to mug them?

 Little boy, on left (whispering): “Ellen, all he wants is some cash. We can cancel the credit cards when we get back to the hotel. Please, just give him your purse.”

Little girl, on right: “Screw that! I made this bag to go with our outfits! I’m not having some nasty crack head with a pocket knife ruin our first trip to the big city. Now step back ‘fraidy-cat! I’m gunna open up a big old can of whoop-ass on this punk!”

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Hot enough for ya?

LADIES! All of your prayers have been answered! You can now make a pocketed, pull-on outfit! Thank God; now you can leave all of those pesky purses and wallets at home. Just make sure you feather your hair before you leave the house or this outfit won’t be complete!

What state is this lady living in? It’s cold enough outside to wear 30 pounds of polyester double knit and a long sleeve turtle neck, but warm enough that she had to get an ice cream cone? And who wears platform heels to Coney Island? The least they could have done was sweep the floor or find a location that doesn’t look like Bozo the clown’s prison cell.

Life’s a beach

You know what I want when I go to the beach? That’s right, a giant poncho that converts into a beach blanket! That way, when I get ready to put it on, one side is covered in wet sand and I spend the rest of the weekend vacuuming out my car.

Honestly, the whole point of going to the beach is to have fun in the sun, not to cover yourself in Audra Lindley’s table cloth. Was Simplicity out of sarong patterns?

And why the hood effect? Girl #1 looks like she is praying at the gayest church on Earth.

You must have been a beautiful baby…

Three possible lines for this one:

 – “Hey yous dumb broad, swing that sweet ass of yours over here and toss me my bottle or you’ll be on dirty diaper duty from now ‘til I hit da first grade”

– No one realizes that blood-thirsty and ruthless gangster Lawrence “Mugsy” Malone got his start as an adorable child model for the Bestway Knitting Leaflet Company.

-Little Billy wanted nothing more than to be a heroic crime fighter; but alas, his esoteric power of being able to telekinetically lift children’s knitwear proved useless to the chief of police.

LOLCrap

How lonely of a human being do you have to be to sew and stuff a fake cat and two dogs? By the time you got all of the supplies and stitched the damn things together, you could have adopted and fallen in love with a real pet. If Vogue and Butterick ever team up again; RUN!

On set…

Tamara (on the left) was the consummate model. She was always on time and ready to work. Her professionalism was evident in shot after shot of usable commercial prints for the Bernat knitting company.

Sally (on the right) was once again lost in her own thoughts.

 Although, to give credit to the girl on the right, it is really hard to pull off a “come hither” look in a mohair sweater vest.

Sew what?

Umm, what the Hell part of hand sewn cross stitch is considered QUICKIE?  If your definition of QUICKIE is 20 hours of stabbing your fingers with a needle while cursing at every accidental knot you wrap in your embroidery floss, then this is the pattern for you! If you add some coffee cup stains, cigarette burns and a dog-chewed corner, then the white dress in the middle was made from my Aunt Harriet’s table runner. Oh hey, this pattern was featured in McCall’s magazine! It was probably in the same issue with the articles that talk about QUICKIE  root canals and QUICKIE tax audits.