She stole her heart…


Sad Patterns is going on an indefinite hiatus.

My personal life is chaotic right now and I just don’t have time to update this site as often as I want. I love exposing the world to terrible sewing patterns, but I have to get some ducks in a row before I can commit to this site any further.
I appreciate all the support and awful patterns I’ve received over the years.
I’m leaving the site up for as long as WordPress keeps it up. If I can get some free time, I’ll post something, but free time is a commodity I can’t afford to trade right now.

With that said, please enjoy this one for the road:


By their facial expressions, I can only assume that the guy at the door just caught these two in a passionate lover’s embrace. That, or they are making their escape after swiping the family silver. Now, I might be hopeless romantic, but something tells me the only thing they’re smuggling under those cloaks is a burning desire for one another.




No clowning around


This doll looks just as confused as I do.

“Wait, you actually wasted time crocheting this thing and expect me to look happy wearing it? I hope it did warm your heart because it’s leaving me cold. You should probably play with Barbie from now on; I’m not sure we can remain friends.”



OK… so, generic super princesses fine.
Generic Superman… OK.
Generic G.I. Joe… sure.
Generic… Skeletor? I mean, it’s close enough, I guess…
And generic… He-Man?
I mean, it’s a stretch at best, but let’s face it, they lost any hope of gaining points by painting on the unibrow. I honestly don’t remember the hero of Eternia ever being in need to going to a threader.

Getting ready…


Lady on right: “Look Martha, here are the drawers I’m NOT going to wear under my dress tonight!”

Lady on left: “Oh quit fooling around, Jane, and get dressed already.  We’re gonna be late for the party!”

Lady on right: “Fooling around is the exact reason why I AIN’T sporting these puppies!!”


Granny’s square…


Lady on left: “Just keep smiling until she drives off…”

Girl on right: “Can’t that car go any faster?”

Lady on left: “Right? As soon as grandma’s out of sight, we can take off these hideous sweaters.”

Girl on right: “I appreciate her making us stuff, but damn, theses things are awful.”

Lady on left: “I feel kinda bad, but there is no way in Hell I’m wearing this potholder in public.”

Girl on right: “Good thing she only visits once a year.”

Lady on left: “I lover her to death, but I really hope that yarn store burns down soon.”