At an unexpected engagement party, some concerns were aired…
Lady on right: “Wait, you don’t actually think that Suzy is going to marry Bruce, do you? I mean, I know the guy is loaded, but OMG he’s a total asshole.”
Lady on left: “Well, Suzy is a bit of a bitch herself, so really, it’s a match made in Heaven. I mean honestly, between his bank account and her insane spending habits, I’m surprised they didn’t tie the knot ages ago.”
Lady on right: “But still, it’s not much to build a relationship on.”
Lady on left: “Honey, look at it this way, it takes both of those dumbasses off the market and leaves the actual human beings to the rest of us.”
Lady on right, whispering: “Your bating suit is hideous.”
Lady on left, through gritted teeth: “At least my boobs don’t look like I’m smuggling tangerines in a bandanna.”
Designed for you and yours…
That’s assuming you hate yourself and everyone you know.
Guys, Mike Myers’ costume changes in the new Halloween sequels are getting kinda weird.
I’d like to apologize for the lack of Sad patterns this past week and a half. I was on a whirlwind tour and couldn’t get to a computer to post stuff. I’m back on my M-W-F schedule now, and will continue to shovel mounds of terrible crafting patterns down your throats.
Now, without further ado…
Yes, that’s EXACTLY what we want –
an applique pattern that looks like a guy in overalls, taking a leek.
THANK YOU, PATCHWORK HOUSE!!
“Mommy, why is my dolly’s hat pulled so far forward?”
“Because mommy is bad at embroidering faces and never really learned how to sew by hand… and LOOK JUST SHUT UP AND PLAY WITH THE DAMN DOLL, ALRIGHT!!”
While on a nice outing to the city…
Mom: “Sweetie, don’t eat so much! You’ll spoil your supper.”
Kid: “Shut it, lady. I’ll eat what I want, when I want!”
Dad: “Don’t talk to your mother like that, you little shit, and gimmie back my Cracker Jacks!”
Kid: “You can pry ’em out of my cold, dead hands, old man.”
Dad: “Kid, you’re about 5 seconds away from being a murder statistic.”
Kid: “You old gas bag, you’re about as intimidating as a wet sponge!”
Mom: “I regret the choices I’ve made in life.”