All tied up



This post originally appeared on April 12, 2012

Somewhere at the Butterick patternmaking think-tank…

Patternmaker #1: “Hey guys, check out this new necktie pattern I just drafted.”

Patternmaker #2: “That’s awesome Mike! Wait ‘till those idiots at McCall’s see this winner. They’ll be green with envy!”

Patternmaker #3: “When you shoot the picture for the pattern sleeve, you should totally use a diverse group of young, hot models who can best show off the design.”

Patternmaker #1: “Trendy models would be awesome, but due to budget cuts, I’ll have to use whatever personnel they can round up from accounting.”

Patternmaker #2: “Ouch! Let’s hope they don’t get “crazy” Tony. You know; he’s the one with the weird eyes, who always wears the same brown shirt to work every day.”

Patternmaker #1: “Hey, I’d rather have him than that jerk Morty. With his ponch and bald head on the cover, this pattern will never sell!”

Bigger is better


Stylist 1: “Hey, we have a problem. The director wants to really accent the fullness of the ruffles, and I have no idea what to do.”

Stylist 2: “Hmmm… Maybe we could set her against a background of clouds and cotton candy? They are big an fluffy; do you think that would work?”

Stylist 1: “We, maybe, but we really don’t have the budget for that.”

Stylist 2: “I got it! We could just style her hair to the point that it looks like she is wearing a mushroom cloud or bunch of broccoli on her head. That should work.”

Stylist 1: “OMG that’s perfect! I’ll start heating up the curlers!!”

Chest of drawers



This post originally appeared on August 11, 2012

Lady A: “I have to model these? Where the Hell did you get them; Mamie Eisenhower’s garage sale? Wearing a full slip is one thing, but I draw the line at granny panties from the 1850’s!”