SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:
This post originally appeared on April 12, 2012
Somewhere at the Butterick patternmaking think-tank…
Patternmaker #1: “Hey guys, check out this new necktie pattern I just drafted.”
Patternmaker #2: “That’s awesome Mike! Wait ‘till those idiots at McCall’s see this winner. They’ll be green with envy!”
Patternmaker #3: “When you shoot the picture for the pattern sleeve, you should totally use a diverse group of young, hot models who can best show off the design.”
Patternmaker #1: “Trendy models would be awesome, but due to budget cuts, I’ll have to use whatever personnel they can round up from accounting.”
Patternmaker #2: “Ouch! Let’s hope they don’t get “crazy” Tony. You know; he’s the one with the weird eyes, who always wears the same brown shirt to work every day.”
Patternmaker #1: “Hey, I’d rather have him than that jerk Morty. With his ponch and bald head on the cover, this pattern will never sell!”
Guy: “Hey sweetie, ready for the rugby game?”
Lady: “I am, but first we need to hit the tanning salon. We’re both looking a little pale.”
This is what I think a Kentucky Fried Chicken/ Hooters crossover uniform would look like.
Stylist 1: “Hey, we have a problem. The director wants to really accent the fullness of the ruffles, and I have no idea what to do.”
Stylist 2: “Hmmm… Maybe we could set her against a background of clouds and cotton candy? They are big an fluffy; do you think that would work?”
Stylist 1: “We, maybe, but we really don’t have the budget for that.”
Stylist 2: “I got it! We could just style her hair to the point that it looks like she is wearing a mushroom cloud or bunch of broccoli on her head. That should work.”
Stylist 1: “OMG that’s perfect! I’ll start heating up the curlers!!”
This Bill Blass pattern looks like the opening title sequence to a 70’s, made-for-TV movie about spies and espionage. Honestly, I’m waiting for special guest start Tab Hunter to make a modeling appearance on this thing.
SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:
This post originally appeared on August 11, 2012
Lady A: “I have to model these? Where the Hell did you get them; Mamie Eisenhower’s garage sale? Wearing a full slip is one thing, but I draw the line at granny panties from the 1850’s!”
I guess it’s “wear your Asian inspired scrubs to work” day in the ER.