School ties

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Waiting for the school bus, the tension was thicker than normal that morning…

Girl in green: “Isn’t’ it funny, Peggy? We’re almost wearing the same dress today!”

Girl in red: “Just the same in cut, dear. My ensemble is much more along the lines of Paris couture, and yours is… well, more Sears and Roebuck.””

Girl in green: “Well, I see some bitch got up on the haughty side of the dog bed this morning.”

Girl in red: “Don’t bother me, peasant, I’m practicing my editorial magazine poses.”

Girl in green: “Oh don’t worry sweetie, you’re already an expert at posing!”

Send in the… you know what, never mind

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Somewhere out there, someone is giving someone else a stuffed clown for his/her 60th birthday. What gets me even more, is that someone decided to make a set of detailed instructions on making a stuffed clown for someone’s 60th birthday.

(Having said that, I honestly think this is some of the cleanest and most professional knitting I’ve ever seen on Sad patterns.)

It’s the thought that counts

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Lady on right: “Suzy, what the hell is that hat?”

Lady on left: “Oh… Henry bought it for me. I know it’s ugly, but I had to wear it. I felt bad that he picked it out for me… I just didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s hideous.”

Lady on right: “I suppose it’s not your fault your husband has no taste. I’m guessing the sales lady wasn’t any help either. Probably last season’s clearance rack special they needed to unload on a sucker.”

Lady on left: “That’s what I’m afraid of, and he was so proud that he bought something for me that wasn’t an appliance.”

Lady on right: “That’s sweet dear, but next time you get the feeling he’s looking to buy you a gift, try leaving some fashion magazines open around the house with pictures of good accessories circled in red ink!”

The future is calling

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“Hello. Oh, 1985? Yes, I do have your dress, but it’s in use right now and I couldn’t possibly return it. No, I plan on wearing it at least until 1986.
I’ll let you know when I can send it back.
Thanks for your call, but if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back power dressing.
Good bye.”