Dressed in a hurry

Well, I know that when I see scantily clad men and women, the first word that comes to my mind is definitely ’trick’.

The ‘quick’ part just depends on the hotel’s going rates I guess.

 

Hen pecked

SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:

CHARMING COZIES AND COVERS

And I thought the fly swatter cover I featured the other day was the be-all of nonsense.

An egg cozy? Really?

How long are you people keeping your warm eggs on the table before you eat them? It’s gotta be like what, five minutes tops? How cold could your eggs possibly get?

Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some plush chickens, but come on! Just eat the egg already!

Colorful aspirations

Getting ready for the party…

Lady in black: “I can’t wait to get together tonight with the gang! It’s been ages since we’ve seen each other!”

Lady in pink: “I can’t wait to see Rob. I plan on caging that tiger TONIGHT!”

Lady in black: “Umm, Marsha, you know he’s seeing Sally, right? They’ve been dating for like six months now.”

Lady in pink: “Honey, I’m rocking my lucky bra. When the girls are wrapped in pink satin, NO man can resist my charms.”

Lady in black: “Wait. I thought the green one was your lucky bra…”

Lady in pink: “Pink, green, it doesn’t matter. When I get a man in my sights, this thing could be electric blue with orange stripes and I’d still get what I want.”

 

Pump up the volume?

I can’t tell what’s fuller, the ruffle or her hair.

Frankly speaking, they both need a generous deflating.

Seeing red

Ah yes, that’s exactly what the world needs, sew-your-own-ginger patterns!

It makes the world conquest of the red-heads just that much easier. Now they can rob you of your inner light by having households stocked with soul-sucking ginger-magic effigies!!

I’m kidding, gingers! You guys are alright in my book.

But seriously, don’t take my soul.

 

All that glitters

The sweater is innocuous enough, but do they really expect you to make those earrings? It’s difficult enough to look sexy in a funk-o-delic Christmas pullover, so good luck with the spangled granny smith apples hanging from your earl lobes.

 

Medical emergency

This is not the first time we’ve featured big medical green pants on Sad Patterns, and frankly, I hope it’s not the last; however, this pattern seems to have come down with something because I’ve never seen anyone look so… green!

Nevermind.