Long lasting



This post originally appeared on May 22, 2013


Suzie was its best advertisement…

Lady on left: “Wait. It has five speeds AND various attachments?!”

Lady on right: “Uh huh. It also comes in 4 different colors and has an optional AC adapter,  but you’ll never need to use that. I’m not kidding when I say the batteries lasted for three solid hours without needing replacing.”

Lady in middle: “Dang girl! Three hours? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

Lady on right: “Trust me sweetie. Once you get one, you’ll MAKE time for it!”

Miss Congeniality


Girl in blue dress: “Thank you all so much! I’ll do everything I can to live up to this glorious title!”

Girl in white dress, thinking: “Just keep smiling at the stupid judges… they gonna give it to the white girl who belted out a crappy arrangement of America the Beautiful instead of the hard-working sister who juggled four fire batons while riding a unicycle, that’s alright. I know who the real winner is and it ain’t that talent-less hack…”

Girl in red dress, thinking: “RUNNER UP MY ASS! Seriously, what kind of dirt does she have on the judges to garner this win?!? The second she walks by a flight of stairs there will definitely be a situation where she can’t fulfill her duties… then that crown will be mine… ALL MINE!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

About last night…



This post originally appeared on January 17, 2012

Actually, I have no problem with this pattern at all. I just wondered what they were talking about over coffee…

Guy B: “Steve, I’m worried. What if Susan learns what we…we… did last night?”

Buy A: “Mike, I’ve told you a hundred times; everything is going to be OK. No one will ever find out. We were very discreet.”

Guy B: “I don’t know how I can live the guilt of making her cry. She means so much to me. It’s not everyone out there who can find a friend like her. I think, in another time and place we could have been married.”

Guy A: “I know Mike, but let’s face it; we did her a favor by killing the abusive bastard that was beating her. By now his body is resting comfortably in the belly of an alligator somewhere in a backwater bayou, and you have a chance to be with the girl you love.”

Guy B: “Is it really that simple to you Steve?”

Guy A: “It is Mike. It is.”