Cutting the cheese


You know, every morning, I wake up and the first thought in my head is, “What would a French cheesemaker wear today?” Then I remember this pattern and promptly realize that  dressing like a French cheesemaker is probably not a good idea.

Also, are sheep known for their milk? Why is a cheesemaker, French or otherwise, tending to a flock of sheep? Shouldn’t he be doing other things, like, oh, I dunno…

Let’s not



This post originally appeared on December 20, 2011il_fullxfull-124329399

I’m not sure what kind of bottle she is carrying, but I’ll pretend it is wine, because you’d have to be drunk off your ass to get anywhere near that sweater. Even without the long,  goofy sleeves, no straight man on the planet would gravitate towards a pull-over that makes him look like a gay Bomb-Pop.

Polly wanna stitch?


If by “quick and easy,” you mean “boring and pointless,” then yes, it’s VERY quick and easy. And ummm, this is kind of a stupid question in regards to a quilt pattern, but… WHERE’S THE DAMN QUILTING??

I see like, two rows of stitches, total. I don’t know who Donna Lee is, but she might want to rethink her approach to patternmaking.

Head games

jul2014pAt the last photo shoot, the models had a few things on their minds…

Lady in brocade toque, top left, thinking: “Act professional; this is your first paid job. it doesn’t mater that this hat looks like the top of a salt shaker; it’s still a paycheck…”

Lady in teal scarf, top middle, thinking: “Bitch, I make this scarf look gooooooooood…”

Lady in beret, top right, thinking: “Hmmm, I wonder if that coupon to Denny’s has expired yet…”

Lady in red turban, bottom right, thinking: “If he thinks I’m gonna let him move into my place with that mangy dog, he is sadly mistaken. It’s bad enough I put up with his stinky gym socks, but if he thinks that mutt is having its way with my Ethan Allen furniture, he’s got another thing coming…”

Lady in beret, bottom middle, thinking: “Gawd dammit people! Can we hurry this along? I gotta pick up my dry-cleaning before five!”

Lady in white toque, bottom left, thinking: “Is that a spider? I think that’s a spider. The second I lose eye contact, it’s gonna move and… OMG WHERE’D IT GO?!!??!”