Here a quack, there a quack



This post originally appeared on October 11, 2011


“Once you enter the Enchanted Forest, little girl, your appearance will change and you will take on the look of a young Princess Diana going to a business meeting in the 80’s. You will gain the ability to play the clarinet, and ducks will obey your every command.”

Cluck you


That’s exactly what my kitchen needs – a psycho-eyed chicken pocket to hold a few slotted spoons and a couple of coupons. You know, my kitchen utensil and coupon collections were getting totally out of control and are in desperate need of wrangling. Bless you, Patch Press, you read my mind and fulfilled my organizing chicken dreams.


What’s for brunch?

oct2014eIf you have to invent a tag line like “You don’t eat ‘em, you wear ‘em” to describe your clothing, I fear you might have more problems than McCall’s patterns can help you with.

And why are all the pants in this image nine sizes too big? I’ll give them a pass on the sweatshirts, but those britches look like deflated Thanksgiving day parade balloons.

I find this humerus



This post originally appeared on November 23, 2011

Emily was proud of the new sweater she had made. It was the first time she completed a knitted garment. The final product fit, was comfortable and made her happy. Every day after work, she’d go home, slip into her new pull-over and then sit on the bench she had constructed out of the bones from her nine dead husbands and think, “life is good!”

Putting her foot down


Lady on left: “…So then I told the little tramp to keep it in her pants, and if I ever caught her fooling around with Roger again, she’d regret it.”

Lady on right: “WOW! How did she react to that?”

Lady on left: “Oh, she spouted some haughty nonsense about me not being the boss of her, so I backhanded her loud mouth to show her who’s boss.”

Lady on right: “Yikes! I still can’t believe that Roger thought he could keep this from you.”

Lady on left: “Well, when you’re the mother of the captain of the football team, you expect a little bit of dating drama, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let MY son fool around with the town slut!”