When ya due?

SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:

FLASHBACK FRIDAYS!!!

This post originally appeared on May 26, 2011

(As Monday is Labor Day, this one seemed appropriate.)

(PUN FULLY INTENDED!)

If you hadn’t guessed, this is a pattern for maternity pants. That has to be the narrowest pair of maternity pants on record. ‘Cause, when you think of maternity comfort, you think of tailored cigarette pants with a split crotch and criss-cross suspenders. Good Lord, those straps and ties look like a parachute harness.

Also, why isn’t the model pregnant? What paradoxical pattern company produces a pair of MATERNITY PANTS and shows them on a wafer thin model with coiffed hair? I realize this pattern is from a bygone era, but it is screaming “It’s OK pregnant lady. You can have your distended belly full of life-birthing goodness; however, we will not air your filthy shame on our pattern sleeve where the world can see it”

In a perfect world…

aug2014s

If only there was a pattern out there that would allow me to hang a little pig around my cutting board, or a cow around my utensils or even stuff a sheep in a bush, my life would be complete.

Until that glorious day comes, I guess I’ll just have to stand here, leaning on a stool and posing with the world’s most pretentious cup of coffee.

Whoa is me…

Pick a card, any card

SAD PATTERNS PRESENTS:

FLASHBACK FRIDAYS!!!

This post originally appeared on March 31, 2012

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I guess it’s just assumed that peasants, folk dancers and card-reading gypsies need aprons.

It must be a long day when you have to entertain a crowd, divine the future, then cook and clean after you’ve sewn an entire deck of cards onto your skirt.